How do you tell someone you love, lust after, crush after or are curious about, that you can't see them because you think it's bad for your marriage? Should you tell them the reason? Should you stop seeing them at all, or just cross your fingers and hope you don't end up crashing your marriage? Jane asked me last night what I'd do if I was married and found myself attracted to one of my friends. In theory, I would like there to be a good conversation that could be had with the friend that could leave them with understanding, with having opened up any of those proverbial floodgates. The gates like what get opened up in films all the time, when people let slip that Something More is going on with a friend. That would be all good and fine, except I don't think that conversation exists. In fact, I reckon the closest to best conversation is probably one that leaves one or more people in limbo. And I reckon that might be saying you can't see someone, but not telling them why.
How good would it be if they developed anti-viagara. Not the this is anything to do with libido, but something that made you asexual just long enough to have a cup of coffee with a friend you'd otherwise be really attracted to. Except attraction doesn't work like that does it. Most of the adultery takes place in your head, when the person isn't even there.
Maybe it's enough to let them guess why. And hope that they are respectful enough not to ask you to confirm it.
I reckon that most of the solution is not be to "positively charged" to begin with. To not ping back at all. It's boring, but probably a pretty good way of never even getting the opportunity to have an affair.
Still not sure what I would do if someone asked me why I couldn't see them.
I guess the alternative is to just stop ringing them. Is that more or less nasty?
yeh i wish they could make a pill that could make u stop loving sum1. And stopping ringing them won’t help nething :P haha
Beth / 3:42pm / 5 July 2004
well telling them or not telling them, could affect & go either way. if u love/like/crush – watever for a person & u tell them, well they gonna come up with “oh i dont think i feel 4 you that way lets jst be friends” or “i harldy knw u, lets be friends” or “i’m not looking 4 any1 right now”.
well that comment be a relief 4 u, if u married cause now u can not worry abt this at all. althought if the reply is ” oh i have been having the same feelings 4 u as well.
well married – in a way , ur toast.even thought u expressed how u felt 4 them, but they tell u how they feel as well.
ok now – if u not married, well with the 1st one, if u on the recieving end of that – a person, telling u how they feel 4 u – then ur comments gonna be something like that.
well if u changed that u telling a person – on how u feel, ur sort of gonna be torn apart – like, why did i tell her or why doesnt they feel 4 me, stuff like that.
ur gonna be down. if u tell them how u feel & they say – yeah i feel same 4 u, then u 1 happy person cause after that – u can ask them out & get into relationship with them.
if u were with them & broken up = there still be question, if u see them after a while & they married or u r & start talking. u 1st would wanna find out why we broke up & we could hv been happy together , married or not- wat happened – if not married – theres gonna be question – can we try again & lets c where it takes us.
no matter – wat ur position in this situation or something, there will always be doubts & urges u want to find the answers 2. well lets simply putting it – it all sucks.
Anmol / 1:42am / 6 July 2004