fatvegan

The hypothesis: Hickeys lead to sex, which leads to misery and death and premature balding

That hickey's lead to sex has been anecdotally proven. In a group of three, one person had had both hickies and sex in their life. And the two others had had neither hickeys nor sex. So it follows that the two must be linked.

But I'm more doubtful that one-off sex leads directly to misery death and premature balding. I suspect the regular, soul-less, painful sex with someone you don't know very well will result in those things. But I suspect that spur-of-the-moment sex, had unwillingly as a consequence of too many hickeys doesn't send you nearly so far down the path to early hair loss. I reckon lots of people have sex once or twice. And then move on, leading lives that are totally indistinguishable from that of someone who'd never had a hickey or sex their entire lives.

I don't think that overly passionate foreplay leads to months or years of superficial sex with someone you don't know very well. It might lead to one night of superficial sex, but that's probably not the end of the world. At least in terms of death and baldness.

There's sex and there's sex. And probably other sorts too. Some are good and some are less good. But most would probably fit snugly somewhere right in the middle.