fatvegan

The last few days with Libby have been lovely but strange. And I suspect those days have led on to a day or two with myself that are strange but not so lovely. There are some things I have thought in the past 24 hours.

-I reckon I've fallen for the reliable, old mess of pretending to yourself that loving something/someone enough will make up for everything else that is wrong. -I've wondered if maybe there's a level or sort of screwed-up-ness where you become a worse partner as time goes on, rather than a better one. I'm curious to know if you can predict (on average) which direction people are likely to head. Or, more pertinentily I suppose, which direction I'm likely to head. -Life is tirelessly willing to remind me why humility is a good thing, and makes me feel like an utter fool every time I forget. -I'm kind of a jerk sometimes (although not so bad at other times). -Stabilising yourself is so, so much harder when there is stuff you're really keen not to screw up. -Whenever you feel the need to persuade someone you're not a loser, you tend to resort to strategies like humourous cruelty, detached irony, smug generalisation and bemused self-confidence. None of these actually make you any less of a loser.

And I'm sure there are other delightfully uplifting thoughts I could add if I sat here remembering for a little longer.

Just because she's smiling doesn't mean you're not a wanker. One of my quotes from the olden days